FF: Check In #3 — Pornographic Stigmata Edition

by Elizabeth on January 13, 2012

Welcome to Fitness Friday: The Gym Edition!

My check-in herewill be fairly brief — You may have noticed a decided lack of posts for the past two days.  It’s not because there’s not a ton to say on the subject of attention, but because my own attention ended up being squarely back on work for a few days, due to a particularly evil technomonkey that decided to give us fits…roughly five hours before we were supposed to launch a brand-new product.

This, my friends, is where you can envision the Epic Facepalm that occurred on Wednesday.  Because the facepalm…it was epic.

All work stuff aside, there’s a second reason this’ll be fairly brief:

Keeping with the theme of I can hurt myself anywhere, at any time, for just about any reason, let me tell you about the awesome new gym.

Rather than wait for my personal training session on Tuesday, I thought I’d be brilliant and go on Friday.

I mean, why wait, right?  Might as well get in there, get on the treadmill, and walk my literal ass off.  No point in waiting, and since I’m more than a little embarassed by my own jiggling, I did the double-whammy of waiting until late at night to go.

This meant that I was at the gym pretty much by myself.  There were a few hardcore weight people there, making the rest of humanity look bad for enjoying Friday night instead of pumping iron like a machine, but by the time I’d been on the treadmill for about an hour, they were long gone.  Presumably off to go oil themselves and admire their own reflections, judging from the way they were watching themselves in the mirrors.  Beside the point.

My legs were a little wobbly when I got off the machine.  It kind of felt like the world wasn’t moving forward like it was supposed to.  Or, if you’ve ever been on a boat, it’s kind of like stepping back onto dry land after being at sea — there’s no motion, and your legs are all like HUH WHAT?.  Like that.  But otherwise, I was fine.  Managed to get my coat on like a grown-up and walk all the way out the door without stumbling.  Of which I’m proud.

Outside, however, the cold air hit me and I got a little woozy.  My water bottle was in the car; I figured I was a little dehydrated.  Just get across the twenty feet of parking lot, and I’d be…

Oh, look.  Pavement.

Let us just say that while I can dress myself without injury, and occasionally even chew gum without incident — stepping off a curb after a run?  Can’t do it, apparently.  Curbs are challenging, clearly.

Luckily, my face broke most of my fall, and what gravity didn’t inflict on my face, it inflicted on my palms.


Seriously, folks, it was hilarious.  A three inch curb, and I was on my ass in the parking lot.  I did a once-over to make sure I hadn’t seriously hurt myself, and drove home with the stigmata on both palms leaving a sticky, bloody mess on the steering wheel.  If any police officer would have stopped me, I’d have been arrested on suspicion of something, I’m sure.  (you will note, in a totally non-PG-13 kind of way, that the stigmata on my right hand?  Totally penis shaped.  You can not make these kinds of things up.)

I’m fine, by the way.

My wrist ended up purple the next day, and both knees looked like I’d been kneeling on cobblestones.  My lip was a little puffy, and I broke off part of a tooth.  But really, the only thing stinging was my pride, and even that was too busy laughing at me to be too hurt.

I have, however, been taking it a little easy this week.  I put off my personal trainer until next week, just in case those knees decided to get hinky on me, and did some lighter stuff the four extra days.  (Level 1 and 2 of one of the Chris Powell DVDs, to be specific.  Just avoided push-ups to prevent my wrist from being irritated.)

Next week, I anticipate some whining here on Friday, too.  I hear this particular personal trainer’s like a drill sergeant, only with less empathy.  Falling on my face in the parking lot won’t hurt nearly as bad as I’m thinking my muscles will next week.

I’m okay with that.  Provided it doesn’t come with any pornographic stigmata.

So tell me:  how’d YOU do this week?

We’ve got a great discussion over on the forum about taking it slow and steady, and all the awesome benefits even little efforts can give you over time.  Everybody’s really encouraging over thereabouts.  You should stop on by and tell us about your goals. :)

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