FF: Tales of Theresa’s Double Jointedness

by Theresa on July 13, 2012

Let’s talk exercise clothing for a minute, shall we?

When I started this little adventure into fitness, I consulted the ever-wise Elizabeth as to where to start on my road to health.  She had all sorts of information on different types of exercises, gyms, etc…  We made our little pact to be workout buddies from afar, I joined the same club chain that she has a membership at, and headed straight to Target to find something appropriate to wear for said fitness adventure.

I do so love the clearance section…

Aside from the the styles and fabric options, the prices were beginning to create extreme discomfort.  I had to bite the bullet, so to speak, and just find something that fit, that didn’t make my fluffy bits ooze out and fluff too much, and that seemed appropriate for the amount of liquids that would begin pouring out of my sweat glands the minute I touched a treadmill.  To my delight, the clearance section had a few nice tops to choose from and a pair of workout pants just my size.  It was time to begin on my road to health… in style (because, let’s face it, I want to look good when they haul my ass into that ambulance after I trip-up and face-plant on the treadmill.  Can’t have the EMS people feeling sorry for the poorly dressed chic who wanted to workout, we just want them to feel sorry for me because I fell and “damn, doesn’t that outfit look awesome on her?”).

Are you kidding me?!

Who freakin’ designs this stuff?!  Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that the girls are all cozy and bound so tightly so as to not move or jiggle out of place.  I love the fact that the tightness gives the illusion of being slimmer.  I also love the fact that it makes my arse look amazing when tripping walking along on the treadmill.  But, after 45 minutes of moving, sweating, (trying to avoid hyperventilation as I gasp for air because I’m pretty sure that last set of 15 crunches killed me,) I’m ready to wash that workout right off of me.  That is, if I can get the frockin’ thing off!!

Tell me, is this not something you struggle with as well?  Because if you don’t find yourself pulling a Houdini when you’re trying to get that fancy-ass fitted top off of the girls, then I want to wear what you’re wearing.  At the very least, I want to know your secret.  How convenient that at the end of this post is the comment box…spill it, people!  I have to head out to the gym now, and when I return, I’m hoping you have words of wisdom for me as I prepare to dislocate my shoulder taking off this top.

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