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If you've been cycling around San Francisco for more than five or so years, you'll remember what a funhouse it used to be.

Leave the Crossfit injuries to your coworkers and ditch the screaming-in-your-face-before-sunrise bootcamp. Perhaps the most tired and oft-repeated lament among single, hetero San Francisco women is the claim that they cannot get laid because of our fair city's sizeable, disinterested homosexual population.

Although a convenient excuse, the claim just isn't true. There are thousands of up-for-it single guys out every night in San Francisco; you just need to know where to look. But the come-on lines will be less circuitous at SOMA's dingy-yet-fabulous Arrow Bar , where the phrase, "Are we going to fuck or what? For the truly desperate, a good female hetero bet for sex can be placed at any bar near Union Street after Monday night football.

Places like Bar None and the Bayside are positively packed with straight, good-looking guys who are drunk, or well on their way; hardly any girls frequent these bars during sporting events. The ones who are there get free attention, free drinks, and if they play their cards right, a proper hump unless the 49ers lose, that is.

For all genders and persuasions, San Francisco offers a number of sexual-healing possibilities that don't necessarily involve bars or drink. Here you will find thousands of postings from supposedly hot gals and guys ready for some anonymous sex at the drop of a jimmy hat. A recent post screamed, "Come fuck my girlfriend! She is at it again. Come help me satisfy my very hot yr-old and very sexy girlfriend.

I'm guessing a good 80 percent of the ads on "casual encounters" are from overweight IT guys, but in San Francisco you never know. For those who need a bit more flirting before they seal the deal, there is always Friendster. There is just something about hotel bedding that brings out everyone's inner freak. Weary tourists away from their husbands and wives are an especially easy mark for S. The Triton Hotel has a lobby happy hour that is notoriously friendly and filled with good-looking, literate types from around the world.

And for those who simply can't wait to get laid, try any Fisherman's Wharf hotel lobby for horny German tourists hoping to sample a real San Francisco treat. Need a more direct approach? Billing itself as "San Francisco's premier adult club for couples," Lush is one of precious few swingers' clubs in town where you are likely to meet someone you actually want to kiss, let alone fuck. A word of caution: To keep this space hoppin' with hotties, the underground club screens its guests, charges a pretty penny to keep the riff-raff out, and does not allow you to go alone.

But if you have a fat wad of cash and a good-looking friend who is game, Lush is a fun way to explore the wilder side of San Francisco's horny masses. If you fail to pick up a willing partner in bars, at swingers' clubs, or via the Internet, there is always the last vestige of the truly desperate -- the pro.

Men have the most choices in this area, of course, and San Francisco has a myriad of "escorts" willing to provide you company if you've got the cash. Web sites such as Erosguide. I have it on good authority that the guys who work for Veteran's are skilled in many areas besides red-light running.

Charlie Amter is co-editor of Horny? News Sucka Free City. Jonah Owen Lamb Wed. Peter Lawrence Kane Wed. Culture Know Your Street Art. When the ancient Polynesians invented surfing, they often used a paddle to help them navigate. Part of its increasing popularity is that standing upright allows surfers to spot waves more easily and thus catch more of them, multiplying the fun factor. Paddling back to the wave becomes less of a strain as well. The ability to cruise along on flat inland water, surveying the sights, is another advantage.

Visual Arts Craft Events. Many of us remember coming home from our elementary schools with freshly glazed pinchpots, cups, or whatever else our young imaginations could conjure up. Saturday mornings at the Randall Museum can bring that memory back, or create a new one for the youngsters. Ceramics make great gifts — especially on Mothers' and Fathers' Day. December is almost over - the New Year is coming up and everyone is busy drying off from the rain or holiday shopping.

Let's take a look at what's happened this month. Photographs by Richard Haick. Best of San Francisco. Top Calendar Stories Back. How hard can it be? By Charlie Amter Wednesday, Jan 21 Some people can go years without having sex. Most of these people do not live in San Francisco, but even the friskiest San Franciscan can hit a dry spell. Here are a few ways to get, um, wet. About The Author Charlie Amter.

Subscribe to this thread:. Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey. Website powered by Foundation.

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