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One night in Sydney, I was a little taken by a year-old woman in a gay bar. She was a chatty and congenial Aussie, with a distinctive no-bullshit edge. There are too many of those in Sydney… and Cape Town… and New York City… and pretty much everywhere with thriving gay nightlife! She was definitely my kind of girl.

And as it turned out, I was her kind of guy. One of the first things she told me was how attractive she finds black men. As I mentioned, we were in a gay bar. She had absolutely no ulterior motive and no shot with me. She was just making conversation, and she was doing most of the heavy lifting, so I let her flex her stuff.

Actually, I find them more attractive than white people. I also like white men. I find them beautiful, too. But I just find black people to be better looking.

The men are just hotter. She must have read my mind when she made the disclaimer about finding white men attractive, too. I hate any kind of exclusive or discriminatory thinking when it comes to race and sex, even when it works in my favor. I have no problem with racial preferences. But in reality as well as on TV and in movies, the highest-profile interracial couples have been white women with black men.

I have a theory about white women and black men, and it goes a little something like this. However, once their curiosity is satisfied, their long-term behavior is probably less likely to be racially motivated. And I realize there are always exceptions. One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men. Again, this is not a blanket theory.

I once presented this idea to a friend a white guy who dates black men exclusively , and he had an intriguing response. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical. Men are driven primarily by physical attraction when choosing a partner, while with women, other factors can play just as vital a role. I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person.

Clearly I was first and foremost a black man to her… a gay black man. But this was not a pick-up, so I let her continue. She started to tell me about the guy she lost her virginity to 20 years earlier. He was black, and they remained great friends.

Now here is where our interaction started to venture off the rails. She pulled out her phone and began clicking through photos. She wanted me to see him. Once she found the photo she was looking for, she was on a roll. She showed me a succession of recent pictures of her thenish first-timer posing outside shirtless because, well, why not? She looked at me expectantly. Clearly she wanted to know what I thought… or more accurately, she wanted my approval… or my respect… or something.

Maybe she wanted me to know that she had done well. Not only did she love black men, but she could pull in the cream of the chocolate crop, one who had barely aged. I was neither impressed nor unimpressed. So I said nothing. I leaned in to hear more. Sign in Get started.

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Black Women Married to White Men: Why it Works | PairedLife

The men are just hotter. She must have read my mind when she made the disclaimer about finding white men attractive, too. I hate any kind of exclusive or discriminatory thinking when it comes to race and sex, even when it works in my favor. I have no problem with racial preferences. But in reality as well as on TV and in movies, the highest-profile interracial couples have been white women with black men.

I have a theory about white women and black men, and it goes a little something like this. However, once their curiosity is satisfied, their long-term behavior is probably less likely to be racially motivated.

And I realize there are always exceptions. One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men. Again, this is not a blanket theory. I once presented this idea to a friend a white guy who dates black men exclusively , and he had an intriguing response. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical. Men are driven primarily by physical attraction when choosing a partner, while with women, other factors can play just as vital a role.

I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person. This pattern may be partly driven by the fact that Hispanics with low levels of education are disproportionately immigrants who are in turn less likely to intermarry.

However, rates of intermarriage increase as education levels rise for both the U. There is no significant gender gap in intermarriage among newly married Hispanics across education levels or over time. Intermarriage has risen dramatically at all education levels for blacks, with the biggest proportional increases occurring among those with the least education.

Among black newlyweds, there are distinct gender differences in intermarriage across education levels. In , the rate of intermarriage varied by education only slightly among recently married black women: While intermarriage is associated with higher education levels for Hispanics and blacks, this is not the case among Asian newlyweds.

This pattern reflects dramatic changes since Asian newlyweds with some college are somewhat less likely to be immigrants, and this may contribute to the higher rates of intermarriage for this group.

There are sizable gender gaps in intermarriage across all education levels among recently married Asians, with the biggest proportional gap occurring among those with a high school diploma or less. Among white newlyweds, the likelihood of intermarrying is fairly similar regardless of education level. The lower rate of intermarriage among older newlyweds in is largely attributable to a lower rate among women. Among recently married men, however, intermarriage did not vary substantially by age.

Intermarriage varies little by age for white and Hispanic newlyweds, but more striking patterns emerge among black and Asian newlyweds. Among Asian newlyweds, a different pattern emerges. A closer look at intermarriage among Asian newlyweds reveals that the overall age pattern of intermarriage — with the highest rates among those in their 40s — is driven largely by the dramatic age differences in intermarriage among newly married Asian women.

Though the overall rate of intermarriage does not differ markedly by age among white newlyweds, a gender gap emerges at older ages.

A similar gender gap in intermarriage emerges at older ages for Hispanic newlyweds. Among black newlyweds, men are consistently more likely than women to intermarry at all ages. There are likely many reasons that intermarriage is more common in metro areas than in more rural areas. Attitudinal differences may play a role. Another factor is the difference in the racial and ethnic composition of each type of area.

At the same time, metro areas have larger shares of Hispanics and Asians, who have very high rates of intermarriage. The link between place of residence and intermarriage varies dramatically for different racial and ethnic groups.

When he asked for a do-over, I suggested we just be friends. Over the years I discovered how quirky and interesting he was: He has shown more support for my writing than any other friend or family member. He admires the things about me that I like about myself. It was years before we ever made out, but I have been on my knees since our first kiss. One night 10 years ago, we retired to my apartment after eating lamb masala at a dimly lit Indian restaurant. He pressed me against the refrigerator, and the magnetic collage of my girlfriends in their wedding dresses fell to the floor.

Up to that point, I had escaped the marriage mania that strikes women in their 30s, but shortly thereafter I did something crazy: I bought a wedding dress.

My grandmother had planted the seed a few years earlier, after a childhood friend was left at the altar. Contrary to what recent trends may suggest, marriage has always been an aspiration of black people. By , a drastic shift took place: In a report that year titled The Negro Family: White liberals, preoccupied with the Vietnam war and terrified by the Watts riot, begged off.

Nearly all women, black or white are better off not married and not having .. advice was weird too: "If a man ever wants to marry you, be ready. “Interracial Relationships Between Black Women and White Men” tells the stories of black women who are dating, married to or divorced from white men. “They' re like, 'Why are you putting that out there? Black females begin to outnumber black males by age 16, Judice writes, partly as a result of high. Tokyo Spring · Bridal Fall · Spring Ready-to-Wear · Spring Menswear · Resort Half of my mother's four sisters are married to white men. Every black girl I knew was saying, “Get yourself a white man,” as though they were selling out quick. “You guys are so cute,” we would say.